Austensible
by Jaye Reid
Summary: What? A Jewish guy can't go Christmas shopping?


Title: Austen-sible  
  
By Jaye Reid  
  
Written: October 31, 2002  
  
Rating: PG13  
  
Spoilers: Everything up to and including Season 4, Game Over. Christmas eppy fic.  
  
Disclaimer: Owned by the brilliant Sorkin and WB. Not mine, never will be. I have no money, therefore I'm not worth suing. Borrowed for my own amusement.  
  
Category: Josh/Donna - Josh POV  
  
Summary: What? A Jewish guy can't go Christmas shopping?   
  
Archiving: "Boulevard of Misdirection"  
http://users.mcmedia.com.au/~jayereid/jldmmain.htm  
The National Library and Fanfiction.net  
  
Authors Notes: This is Evelyn's fault. So if you don't like the story you can blame her! LOL... I was posting comments to the JDTalk list last night and she told me to stop making comments on what could happen, and put them into a fic.  
So I did. The title is a play on words - ostensible means professed, apparent. Which will become apparent as you read g Thanks, as always, to Bridget who finds time in her hectic schedule to beta read my work. Thanks woman!!  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
It's official.  
  
My life is a living hell.  
  
This is my punishment for... well for something.  
  
I guess it could be worse. I mean I could still be with Amy. And just when I thought my life could start getting back on track - it throws me a curve ball.  
  
Yes - Donna's dating.  
  
And not any run of the mill local gomer this time. No sir-re no, Commander Jack Ross - United States Navy.  
  
What is it about guys in uniform that get the women around here so hot and bothered? You see that's another part of my living hell. I'm stuck in the mess; a couple of tables over from the 'Gossip Squad' a.k.a. Margaret, Carol, Bonnie and Ginger. And although I guess I could leave, I can't seem to get out of the chair.  
  
They're talking about Donna and Jack. Or rather the lack of information that is forthcoming from my said assistant. So I sit here with a couple of reports and continue to pretend they're engrossing.  
  
"Well I'd take him for a spin," I hear Bonnie say.  
  
"I bet he looks hot in dress whites," adds someone. I think it was Carol. This little insight is followed with a chuckle from the group.  
  
Honestly, women talk like this?  
  
"Well," begins Margaret, because I know her distinctive voice, "he's a submarine commander, so I guess he's got plenty of experience in going..."  
  
"Margaret!" comes an abrupt exclamation. Yeah, even *I* know where that sentence was heading. And I really can't allow myself to think about any guy and Donna doing... Well any guy that's not me... hell, gotta stop this train of though, it's about to derail.  
  
Yeah don't worry, I've figured out what an idiot I've been. She's been right here all the time and now I could have missed out.  
  
"Anyway, since she won't tell us how are we supposed to know anything?" I hear Ginger add. "It's not like her. Remember when she was dating that guy over on the hill the other month, well she told us all about that!"  
  
Donna was dating some guy on the hill?  
  
How come I don't know about that?  
  
Suddenly they've gone quiet and I get the feeling my presence has been noted. They start to disperse and I'm not going to get any more information.  
  
I wait awhile for them to disappear before I make my way back to my office. I wonder if Donna is in yet? I gave her a half-day off. Don't faint! She said she had some things to do this morning and she's going to be in around lunchtime.   
  
Which factoring in any inaccuracies with my timepiece, should be soon.  
  
I was in late today myself. I had some Christmas shopping to do. Well actually I did the shopping weeks ago, just had to pick it up. What? A Jewish guy can't go Christmas shopping? Yeah... it's for Donna. We've got a thing this evening with the President. Senior staff and their assistants are required to attend. There was a directive that the staff members all bought a gift for their assistants this year. Apparently other members of the Senior staff have been less that giving during the festive season in past years. Did I mention Toby's name? No I didn't! I mean I always get Donna something. It's just never what she asks for. The first year here she wanted skis so I got her a skiing book. The next year, still going with the snow/skiing theme she wanted a holiday in the Alps... yeah right, like that was going to happen. So I got her a snow dome of a chalet. Hey don't think I'm a cheap bastard, the snow dome was glass not plastic and I had my second cousin in Austria send it to me. It was very authentic and hand made by some guy she knows. Last year she decided the snow theme wasn't working so she went back to the old faithful - a trip to Hawaii.  
  
I got her a deck chair and a potted palm.  
  
This year... well this year she told me I could get her whatever I wanted.  
  
Yeah, talk about throwing me for a loop!  
  
So, me being me... and with my new realization that there's only one woman I've ever really wanted to be with in my life I decided to go back to the first gift I ever gave her - another book. But this book had to be perfect. Just as perfect as the first one, and I hope with a similar reaction.  
  
Or better.  
  
So it was off to find a book that had a meaning behind it that I hope she would figure out.  
  
And if she didn't get the message from the book, then the inscription this time would be a dead giveaway.  
  
The book was found and purchased. It's from 'Rare Books' the same book store that the first was from - and they still don't sell fishing tackle by the way... It had to be ordered in from one of their other stores.   
  
I picked it up this morning, brought it back here and copied the inscription from the final draft I did last night. The last thing I wanted to do was get it wrong.  
  
I'm not concerned about the others finding out what I wrote. I know for a fact Donna didn't divulge the note I wrote in the skiing book. I had Sam pumping me for details via his assistants because Donna refused to tell them. As if I was going to tell Sam!  
  
He gossips just as much as Margaret.  
  
I round the corner and I see Donna has made it in. And she has mister wonderful with her. They're talking and they're smiling.  
  
And they're kissing!  
  
I hit the brakes. I don't think they've seen me. It wasn't a long kiss by any stretch of the imagination, and I don't think any tongues were used in the exchange, but...  
  
Shit!  
  
She's serious about this guy. Damn, damn damn! She's smiling and he's running his hand down her arm and smiling and... and I *so* don't want to watch this! He's stepping away from her now and about to head in this direction, so I begin to wander along the hall as casually as I can, pretending to read the report that is in my hands. I look up as I approach her desk.  
  
"Afternoon, you're here," I say as evenly as I can. "I left a couple of reports on your desk for you to check over when you get a minute."  
  
"Sure Josh," she smiles. Well at least she's in a good mood. I'd be happier if the good mood wasn't because of him.  
  
"Commander," I nod towards he who is still standing there. I wonder if I can get the President to post him to Greenland?  
  
He says nothing but nods in my direction before turning back to Donna. I head towards my office when I hear him speak to Donna.  
  
"Well baby doll, this morning was..."  
  
I don't hear the rest because well, I have to continue to my office don't I. I can't just stand at my office door to hear the rest of what he has to say... not that I think I *want* to hear what he has to say.  
  
Donna took the morning off to spend it with him.  
  
Damn.  
  
And I put her present under the tree this morning in the Oval office.  
  
Damn.  
  
I have to get it back.  
  
~*~  
  
I do a bit of recon first. I phone Deborah, Debbie... whatever, to check if he's in.  
  
I get Charlie.  
  
Apparently unlike Mrs. L, who would never leave her post, she's gone to lunch. The President isn't in, so I have a clear run to get into the Oval and remove said gift that will cause me great humiliation. Donna and Commander Jack are an item, and the thought of her pitying looks when she realizes what I'm trying to say with the gift will be just too much.  
  
I almost make it into the Oval when Charlie confronts me. I should have known he'd be on guard, but this shouldn't be too difficult.  
  
"Josh?"  
  
"Hey ya Charlie."  
  
"I told you, he's not in."  
  
"Yeah... I just need... there's something under the tree that..."  
  
"You're not going to try and shake the presents to figure out what's in them are you Josh?"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Because I don't think the President would appreciate you doing something like that."  
  
"But I'm not."  
  
"Well you're not putting a gift under the tree, so the question has to be asked..."  
  
"I'm..." hell what is the harm in a half confession. "I put something under the tree by mistake and I'm just retrieving it so I can put the right gift under the tree."  
  
"I don't see you carrying the *right* gift then?"   
  
"Well I haven't got it yet. I have to get this one back first."  
  
"So, you're not sneaking in to shake the presents?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Okay then... but I have to tell you sneaking into the Oval without the President here doesn't look good Josh."  
  
"Thank you for that insight Charlie, it will take me all of two seconds."  
  
"What will take you all of two seconds?"  
  
Shit!  
  
I spin around to see President Bartlet and his minders standing behind me.  
  
Shit!  
  
"Josh put a wrong present under the tree and was just needing a moment to get it back so he could put the *right* present under the tree."  
  
He looked like Charlie, but he's Benedict Arnold in disguise.  
  
"I don't see him with a replacement present?" the President is questioning Charlie, not me.  
  
"He says he has to get this one back first Mr. President."  
  
"I see."  
  
"Well then, I guess if he put the wrong present under the tree, then I should help him get it. Come on in Josh... close the door behind you," he says as he steps past Charlie and me and walks in.  
  
This is falling apart.  
  
I close the door behind me. Charlie is looking too pleased with himself. I've got to wonder if he knew the President wasn't far away. I head over to the huge tree in the corner... well not really the corner because this is the oval office and well... yeah, you know what I mean. The President is already crouched down at the base of the over decorated spruce looking at all the gifts under it.  
  
"So," he starts, looking up at me, "you put the wrong gift under the tree. Who was it for?"  
  
"Donna." I offer quietly.  
  
"So it was the wrong gift?" he asks again as he carefully picks through the gifts looking for something with Donna's name on it.  
  
"Yes," I reply. "It's the gold one Sir, with the red ribbon."  
  
He looks around and sees the one I'm pointing to before picking it up and holding it. He takes it back to his desk and I'm left with no choice but to follow him.  
  
"Why is it the wrong gift?" he asks as he sets it on the desk in front of him as he sits down. "Did you wrap the wrong present?"  
  
I sigh, this is not going well.  
  
"I... I just decided that, that perhaps it's not an appropriate gift anymore," I offer. I don't know why I tell him this. I could have just lied and said I *had* wrapped the wrong one and this was intended for someone else.  
  
"Not appropriate? It's obviously a book Josh. You didn't go and... well I don't know, buy Donna a copy of the Karma Sutra did you? Because I have to say that I think that would be rather inappropriate."  
  
I nearly choke on my response, "No! No, definitely not that sort of book Sir. I would never dream of giving Donna something like that."  
  
"Don't mock the book Josh, it's very interesting reading."  
  
What!  
  
"Sir, I really don't think... could I just please have this book back so I can go and find something else?"  
  
I think I'm gonna have to beg here.  
  
"What is the title of the book?" he questions.  
  
And now folks I find there's no way out.  
  
"It's copy of Pride and Prejudice," I offer simply, hoping it will be enough to satisfy his curiosity.  
  
It's not.  
  
"Hmm... Jane Austen? You wandered into Barnes and Noble and found her a copy did you?"  
  
He's got a glint in his eye. He's going to play with me like a cat toys with a mouse.  
  
"No, I wandered into this little fishing tackle shop and they ordered it in from one of their contacts," I tell him.  
  
"So..."  
  
I take a deep breath; really I might as well spill and be done with it.  
  
"It's an 1813, First edition. It was published in three volumes. It's bound in period style full tree calf, gilt decoration and twin gilt lettered red labels on the spines. It has double gilt mitre to boards, gilt dentelles with mottled edges." I rattle off from memory because I heard the bookstore owner repeat the details several times.  
  
The President leans back in his chair and lets a soft whistle pass his lips. The glint has migrated south and his mouth is turned up at the ends.  
  
"I didn't know you'd had surgery recently Josh?" he questions. I have no idea what he's talking about now and my expression must have mirrored these thoughts.  
  
"You must have sold a kidney to buy something like this," he adds.  
  
"Almost." I offer.  
  
He sits up straight again. "Did you write an inscription in this one?"  
  
He obviously heard about the last one, although he has refrained from asking me what was in it. I have a sneaking suspicion he knows. I think he may have cornered Donna.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"And that's what is wrapped in this package? A first edition Jane Austen with a personal inscription from you to your assistant?" he continues to question.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Well then... you can't very well return it now, can you?"  
  
"But..."  
  
"But what Josh?" he asks, leaning forward. "How is it no longer an appropriate gift?"  
  
How to explain...  
  
"Could it have something to do with a certain gentleman in uniform who has been paying a great deal of attention to your assistant of late?"  
  
Okay, where is this guy hiding his crystal ball.  
  
"I think she will like the book Josh. Go put it back under the tree." He instructs, handing it to me across the desk.  
  
I take the package with some trepidation. I don't know what I'm feeling at the moment, but I hope he knows what he's talking about. I go and place it back under the tree.  
  
"Now, haven't you some work to do? You expect me to run this country by myself?"  
  
I nod and head out of the office.  
  
A living hell I tell you.  
  
~*~  
  
Donna has been in a good mood all afternoon. I wish I could say it was because of something I'd done, but I'm sure it's all about Commander Ross.  
  
I'm late getting to the gathering in the Oval office. I know historically having such things in the Oval office would seem out of place, but the President doesn't believe his office should be intimating to those who work here. To others, yes. To us, no. He likes to think we can come and talk to him about anything, and if we feel uncomfortable in his office, then communication is likely to be effected.  
  
That and I think he gets lost, so he doesn't stray far.  
  
Anyway, I thought if I was late, the gifts would be opened and then I'd be able to gauge from Donna's expression on how badly I've screwed up with the gift.  
  
Damn - they haven't started.  
  
"Ahhh... Josh, just in time. We're about to open the gifts."  
  
That glint is back.  
  
I figure I'll just hang back but the President has decided that he will call each of us up to hand the gift to each of our assistants. He calls Bonnie's name first. Apparently this was Sam's responsibility. All I can say is God help Ginger if Toby was in charge of her gift.  
  
Thankfully after Sam has given Bonnie her gift, they have moved over way from the tree for her to open it. Carol and CJ do the same.  
  
"Josh? This is for Donna isn't it?" the President questions.  
  
He's holding up the package that he knows very well is for my long-suffering assistant.  
  
"That it is," I reply, taking it from him and turning towards Donna.  
  
She stands and looks at me with as much trepidation written across her face as I had after leaving this office earlier today. Maybe it really is a bad idea.  
  
"Well come on, give it to her," the President encourages and I hand it over.  
  
"Merry Christmas Donna."  
  
She takes it with a smile and a soft thank you before heading over towards the windows behind the Presidents desk to open it. I'm in two minds whether to stand here, follow her over or just run like hell out the door.  
  
She stands and looks at the package before giving me a funny look and motioning me over.  
  
"I didn't give you a list this year... so this is going to be interesting," she smirks as she slips the ribbon from around the package, letting it drop to the floor. I scoop it up and wrap it around my fingers. I'm nervous I guess.  
  
She unwraps the paper carefully finally revealing the volumes. She looks at me curiously.  
  
"Pride and Prejudice?"  
  
"It's about..." I begin but she shakes her head and stops me.  
  
"I know the story Josh. This is beautiful. It's really old isn't it?"   
  
"First edition," I offer.  
  
There's a look of wide-eyed awe.   
  
"Josh this is... did you have to sell a kidney to buy this because I mean, first edition... Josh..."  
  
Damn.  
  
I didn't get her a first edition for this reason. Well not the way it might seem.  
  
And what is the fascination with my vital organs?  
  
"I thought the story of two people who were drawn together despite the fact it seemed like a crazy notion in the beginning was something we could relate to. And it didn't seem right to just grab a current paperback edition from any old bookstore."  
  
She says nothing to my admission, merely stares at the volume in her hands. She goes to open the cover and I feel the need to ramble.  
  
"Look I wrote the inscription before you know... before I knew about you and Jack being serious. I just..."  
  
"Before me and Jack being serious? There's no me and Jack. Whatever gave you that idea Josh?"  
  
"He called you baby doll and thanked you for this morning..."  
  
"He calls everyone baby doll, well women anyway... and I helped him pick out something for is sister for Christmas. He wanted a woman's perspective. If I didn't know any better Joshua, I'd say you were jealous."  
  
"I... I might be," I'm making plenty of admissions today, "but I saw you two... at your desk..."  
  
"You saw me kiss him?"  
  
Well she's not denying it.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Don't you know what a kiss goodbye looks like Josh?"  
  
"Ah, no... I don't usually get them. My goodbyes have typically been yelling matches, slamming doors or phones. He... you..."  
  
"He's being redeployed. Not that there would have been anything if he wasn't. He asked me to kiss him goodbye, so I did. There wasn't anything in it Josh. He's not..."  
  
"The one?" I question, trying not to sound as happy as I am.  
  
"No, he's not. He's... he's not you."  
  
Okay, someone charge the paddles because I think my heart just stopped.  
  
There's a burst of laughter from over at the tree that distracts us and we both turn our attention back to the gathering. Ginger has evidently just opened the gift from Toby. It's apparently a great joke because no one can figure out what the hell it is and Toby is trying to explain and getting flustered in the process. A flustered Toby is a pretty funny sight.  
  
"Josh?"  
  
I turn to Donna and she's got the book open at the inscription. Her eyes are shiny with tears, but she's smiling so I take it as a good thing.  
  
"I mean it." I tell her.  
  
She nods and for once she doesn't seem to have a come back line. I pull her to me in a hug, and whisper 'Merry Christmas' in her ear.  
  
"Merry Christmas Josh," she returns softly as we step apart. I can feel the eyes of the President on my back.  
  
"Come on," I tell her. "We can talk later? Let's go tease Toby."  
  
This gains me a smile and I can't help it.  
  
I think I'm really getting to like some of these non-Jewish holidays.  
  
The end... 


End file.
